Perhaps corporati's current favourite buzzword, I have a hate/love relationship with the concept of resilience.
Or hate/hate/love.
I hate that the concept - that being the ability the deal with stress, to reconcile and rebound from setbacks - or insults - is so needed in modern life.
I hate the fact that it's so required is spurned a new training category for enthusiastic and entrepreneurial self-help trainers to flog to HR departments.
And I hate the fact that some corporates use 'resilience' as a way of shirking their own responsibility to adequately resource departments, as opposed to overworking and under-resourcing their employees. (For the record, my own organisation doesn't do this. They don't offer resilience training, ha! But aside from that, they are a nice bunch.)
As someone who chooses to work in corporate society, however, I have to be resilient. It's an essential for coping in the modern world. And if you delve deeper, one of the pluses of resilience is that, aside from just helping you get through, it presupposes that we have some control of the way we react and deal with various circumstances. Resilience as a concept is hopeful. It can be empowering in the face of difficulty.
So, as someone feeling stress as a pressure, which sometimes comes in waves that i can't quite recover from, I have been asking the question of people I admire as to how they build resilience, this is what they say.
1. Exercise, everyday if possible.
Even if it's just the challenge of 10,000 steps.
Or 5 laps.
Or a 60 minute yoga class.
Or weights.
A seven minute online workout.
Break it down into the smallest you can do, and try to do that - little but often.
(And if you need more inspiration as to the feeling benefits of exercise, watch this: http://www.howfitfeels.fitnessfirst.com.au/#/?_k=x4w6dn)
2. Breathe.
One anger management technique that they teach in prisons (according to the fictional novel I'm reading, Barracuda) is to count backwards from 10 to 1, and with each number, breathing in and out.
I'm a long term, in-and-out yogi, so breath-work should be a doddle for me. Still, I need reminding.
3. Find humour.
Try to laugh. If you're serious (like me, I'm getting furrows) find people that make you laugh.
4. Find nature.
Walk in the parks, wildernesses, sea paths that are easy to find in Australia. Search for green. Search for blue.
5. Spend time with things separate to those that cause you stress.
Good friends.
Loved ones.
Sometimes you need the safety of old friends.
Sometimes you need the stimulation of new ones.
Even in the worst of it, it's worth trying to distract yourself. Read a novel. Go to the theatre. Go see a band.
6. Do those things that either calm you or inspire you.
7. Be in your body rather than your mind.
Yoga (again.)
Dance.
Running.
An artistic pursuit with your hands, like sculpture.
Gardening.
8. Medicate.
If the feeling of fighting is overwhelming you into depression or anxiety, reach out to a doctor. Find one who'll take a holistic view and suggest some of the things above. But if it's chronic, don't rule out medication.
It might be the leg up to dealing with things with an attitude of, "Meh."
And with that leg up, you can make some changes.
And this brings me to my final point, one I worked out only with the help of a friend.
Sometimes resilience is not about stepping up, manning up, coping with.
Sometimes resilience is about recognising that you actually are incredibly resilient, it's just that a lot is being asked of you. You are likely stronger than you are giving yourself credit for.
So rather than asking more of yourself, in order to cope, the most resilient thing to do is to say, "Enough, I'm choosing to let go and not take on anymore right now."
As Anthony Robbins (as quoted by the much more relatable Stephanie Dowrick) says,
"Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is raise your standards. When people ask me what really changed my life... I tell them that absolutely the most important thing was changing what I demanded of myself. I wrote down all the things I would no longer accept in my life, all the things I would no longer tolerate, and all the things I aspired to becoming."
What will you compromise in order to prioritise another, more important value, or to work towards who you want to be more? After all, most things involve a compromise.
How do you build resilience? Or at least honour yourself by saying, "No"?
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